Fox Executive 2: Sure.
Fox Executive 1: And Hugh Jackman is a big big star?
Fox Executive 2: You bet!
Fox Executive 1: I got it! We'll make one of them prequel things. We can put all those characters in that we couldn't cram into the last one. How much money have you got on you?
Fox Executive 2: $50
Fox Executive 1: Terrific, that can go to the FX department. Get me a photo of Hugh Jackman, I'll make the poster myself. Start shooting it right now.
Fox Executive 2: OK but shouldn't we write the script fir...
Fox Executive 1: Guy, I got this ok!
Fox Executive 3: Hey guys i'm going to go and burn some money.
I have no proof that that conversation took place. However I remain absolutely convinced that the actual studio meeting that greenlit X-Men Origins: Wolverine was, if not quite that moronic, definitely that brief. It didn't matter what the film was, it didn't matter if it was good just as long is it came out before Joe Public forgot what an X-Man was.
It's quite apt I suppose that the X-Men series deals with evolution, Fox have managed to make the next evolutionary step in turning a respectable film franchise into nothing more than a revenue generator. If X-Men: The Last Stand was Homo Habilis on the "Evolution of Dumb" chart then Wolverine is using tools and making fire.
Should I be this annoyed about this film? Yes I should! It's not good enough. When the source material is so rich and deep there is simply no excuse when the film turns out to be a complete vacuum of creativity.
My good chum Scott (who has created the most Metal blog on internet by the way. Don your AC\DC t-shirt and head to deathtoallbuttmetal.blogspot.com immediately) loaned me the Novelisation of Weapon X, the story that this film wants to be. Now that story could never really be adapted into a mainstream blockbuster, it's dark, unpleasant and incredibly violent, but beneath that violence is character. The graphic novel strives to get to the depths of the character and learn who he was and what happened to him. It's pretty haunting stuff, Logan is subjected to extreme torture both physical and mental. The film jettisons this in favour of predictable action set pieces and astonishingly bad special effects.
Let's talk about special effects. Im pretty forgiving of ropey special effects. The TV show Lost has quite possibly the very worst digital effects i have ever seen, truly awful, yet the show remains probably my favourite thing ever. The effects shots are always in support of the story. The show is bursting at the seams with ideas, plot, subtext, character, emotion and intrigue, so much so that a dodgy looking submarine barely registers. But in a film that specifically and purposefully eschews depth of plot and emotion in favour of 'splosions 'n' brawlin' why is the action so sub par? Why do Wolverine's claws look worse than they did in the first X-Men film 11 years ago?
The most frustrating thing about this film is the way characters are just shoe horned in with scant regard for things like plot or logic. I say characters but this film has none, just a checklist of names deemed popular enough to film but not popular enough to feature in the original trilogy. Stryker visits Logan who then visits Wraith who tells him to visit The Blob, who tells him to find Gambit. A tip for the next film guys, just put them on a conveyor belt and drag them across the screen itll be faster and cheaper.
Any silver linings? Ryan Reynolds is the highlight his all too brief time on the screen breathes a bit of life into the proceedings. News that he will be getting his own spin off as Deadpool should delight but if this is what a spin off of X-Men looks like what would a further spin off look like?
I'll tell you the exact moment this film lost me completely, the moment when I realised that not an ounce of attention was being paid. When Logan finally undergoes the procedure that makes him what he is (a scene shown in flashback in X-Men 2) absolutely no attempt is made to match the continuity from the previous films.
This isn't a review is it? It's just a rant. But why should I put any effort into making this a well written opus when the film being reviewed is this lazy and thoughtless.
As an action film, X-Men Origins: Wolverine is poor, as the continuing chapter in what was a flagship franchise it's a travesty.
4 comments:
Rant Mike Rant! join me it's great! haha! Hopefully the deadpool film will be amazing! he is my favourite! i've read many of those books and they are so rich in dialouge and character traits.
I cant find the news on total film now but ol' RR has said he is such a fanboy of thre merc with a mouth he's going to keep it legit! He better or I'm gonna go all Cable on his ass! get it....
He does seem really enthusiastic about it doesn't he? Thats a good thing, to be honest though Jackman was really enthusiastic about Wolverine. Mind you Reynolds seems to know his comics.
Jackman was enthused about Wolverine because he was paid to be! he's the main star of it and most definitely wouldn't want people to think it sucks!
This is a problem with films in general though. If enough hype is built up, not matter how crap the film is, people will see it. It's too late to ask for a refund once you realise it's the biggest piece of crap you ever saw. I have a feeling that after every film FOX releases, all the execs line the windows of the top floor of Nakatomi plaza mooning the world and yelling 'WE HAZ UR MONEYZ NOW SUCKAZ!!!!'. In fact, someone should draw that and stick it on teh interwebs.
sorry for the delay in commeting and I don't know you Dan but i've heard a grat deal! but i totally agree! ol' jacky boy is gonna be enthusiastic about his gravy train aint he! Ryan aint got nothing to loose so i beleive him more over hugh because nothings come out to judge him upon... apart from "deadpool" in origins...
yeah man fight the power! thqats why video piracy is so big, cant get a refund on somethig u didnt pay for! BOOM! haha
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